Bela Black Strikes Back

Once upon a time I knew this two-tailed cunt named Mary. She was always blabbering off at the mouth about her thoughts and how she couldn’t put things together because her logic was incomplete. She compared things one way or another that somehow overlapped and couldn’t stick with one solid idea.

One day Mary was sitting on the sidewalk, waiting for her fins to dry out so she could go to the local bar and get a drink. While she was waiting, a man came up on her and handed her a bottle of rum. He said, “drink this rum and you will be mine until the end of time”. Mary gasped and then cried out “I don’t want to be yours! Get away from me!”, she then grabbed the rum and jumped back into the gutter where the man could not follow. Little did Mary know, this man was really no man but a Djinn in disguise.

The next week, Mary had came back to the same sidewalk to go to the bar again. While she was waiting for her fins to dry, again walked up the Djinn. He approached with his arms crossed over a bottle of rum and his brow was furrowed. “Fish lady” he said, “You drank my  rum and now you are MINE!”. He then proceeded to hand her the new bottle of rum and reached out his hand with the palm up, gesturing for her to reach up and join him.  Mary thought to herself, why not.. I don’t have anything else to do right now. She then proceeded to reach up and grabbed his hand. Upon touching the Djinn’s hand, the skin on his hand began to slowly clam up and became really slimy. “This was definitely not expected, you are a slimy fish lady and you should have stayed in the gutter” the Djinn exclaimed and jerked his hand away.

You righties have NO IDEA! Here’s just a few of the wonderful left-handed people that we all are familiar with.

Albert Einstein, Alexander The Great, Ludwig van Beethoven , Julius Caesar , Robert De Nero, George Bush Senior, Bill Clinton, Harry Truman , Julia Roberts, Angelina Jolie, Napoleon , Alessandra Ambrosio , Mozart, MC Escher, Pablo Picasso, Leonardo Devinci, Cary Grant; WC Fields; Steve McQueen; Peter Ustinov; Charlie Chaplin and Fred Astaire, Robert Redford; Tom Cruise; Robert De Niro; Sylvester Stalone; Bruce Willis, Jim Carrey, Judy Garland; Greta Garbo; Betty Grable; Marilyn Monroe, Julia Roberts; Nicole Kidman; Emma Thompson and Demi Moore.

From the music industry, famous left handed people are well represented in the shape of: Bob Dylan; Jimi Hendrix; Sir Paul McCartney; Sting; David Bowie; Phil Collins; George Michael; Marshall Mathers – Eminem; Annie Lennox; Celine Dion; Mark Knopfler; Paul Simon and Ringo Starr.

Some more famous left handed people from miscellaneous backgrounds include: Mr Micosoft himself – Bill Gates; J Edgar Hoover – the former Director of the FBI; Mark Twain, HG Wells and Lewis Carroll from the world of literature; and Prince’s Charles and William. First man on the moon: Neil Armstrong and his co-astronaut: Buzz Aldrin; fashion designer: Jean-Paul Gaultier and The Simpsons cartoon creator: Matt Groening are all left handed, as are/were American Presidents: JF Kennedy; Gerald Ford; Ronald Reagan and Bill Clinton.

Just to show that not all famous left handed people are, or were known for the all the right reasons, there have been a few bad apples in the shape of Billy the Kid; Jack the Ripper and The Boston Strangler.

Finally some of the most famous left handed people from yesteryear, are without doubt some of the greatest and influential individuals who have ever lived. The likes of Horatio Nelson; Leonardo Da Vinci; Michelangelo; Pablo Picasso; Julius Caesar; Wolfgang Amedeus Mozart; Ludwig Van Beethoven; Winston Churchill; Napoleon Bonaparte – and Josephine; Queen Victoria; Alexander the Great; Joan of Arc; Marie Curie and last but certainly not least, Albert Einstein. They all had one predominant feature in common with each other – they were all left handed! It is worth noting that Einstein learned to speak late, had problems in almost every subject in school and was frequently labeled as being backwards! So there is certainly no need for any left-hander to have an inferiority complex!

So take that righties, take that!

10. You like or wear ‘garden shoes’ or ‘sloggers’ because you think they are in style for any reason.

Face it, these things are HIDEOUS!

9. You think anything that you can plug into a USB port is ‘cool’

Example A- USB Ferris Wheel

Example B – USB Owl

Example C – USB Pop-Up Pirate Hub

8. You use any version of Windows Vista

You LIKE and use any version of Windows Vista

7. You are too stupid to realize the new music genre label hard core is nothing more than a mockery and a way of categorizing really crappy & washed out music

6. You think that global warming isn’t a real problem but a conspiracy thought up by ‘liberals’ to keep you from enjoying your gas guzzling SUV

5. You think your vote actually counts in corporate fascist America

4. You think that either 2008 presidential candidate is actually going to ‘lower taxes’ or stop the ‘war against terror’

3. You don’t know how the voting system actually works, yet you still vote

2. You ONLY take webcam photos or angled ‘myspace’ photos yet don’t understand why no one can stand to be around you for longer than 10 minutes and you label yourself ‘hardcore’ or a ‘scene kid’

1. You’re 30+ years old, you enjoy and let your kids watch Disney movies and you believe that fairytales really do come true!

Well I thought ye might like t’ know how all th’ gentleman o’ fortunes translate the’r language an’ speak t’ us silly land lovers. This tool be really cool an’ translates anythin’ ye want, includin’ web pages into `gentleman o’ fortune speak`.

Go Here t’ be seein’ th’ tool

One of the most astounding feelings I have had is knowing how contribed, selfish and completely fucked up people can be if you challenge their ‘safe mode’. The ideas that turn into patterns or the routine within a group of people’s lives is like a bubble, a shield of ideas upheld to keep them from ‘harm’ or emotional trauma.

Just like any religion or Cult, routine or a ‘family cult’ is a security blanket to keep those happenings of random, uncertainty and ‘control’ in place. This type of behavior I find totally disgusting, especially the hypocrisy of raising a child and knowing what you are doing to mentally fuck them, when you yourself have no enjoyment or clue in life other than the immediate gratification you get moment to moment.The degrees of this type of structure are so broad, I don’t know where to take this, and yes I am pointing fingers. Overall I’m really just tired of society and conventional candy-coated bullshit.

People have children and the routine ‘family cult’ to make their lives fulfilled or some insecure freaks do it to ‘trap’ others off. To me, thats just repeating a viral cycle of pathetic – an attempt to prolong their inferior genetic survival on this stupid planet. And whats so ironic about this is that it is usually the ones who claim to be so self-less. What a bunch of lying, fumbling idiots.

Why not just join the arms of the Christian, Judaist or the likes? Might as well abandon all hope, you’re already a part of a bubbly psychosis. So, Why not expand into the already ‘prepped for brainwashing and smother them with your so-called ‘idealistic thought? You’re already there, you just haven’t took the last step.

A New Level of Crazy – Watch more free videos

Ever wonder what its like to work for Time Warner Cable ? or any other telemarketing/tech support job.. Here’s the worst of it!

This bitch is fucking NUTTS!

You could possibly split your head open from laughing and die from watching this, so be careful.

Okay, if you haven’t seen this then I am sorry for showing it to you. It comes back around into the ‘circle’ every 3 months or so and I have to spread the love. Enjoy.

Source – http://www.ofuzi.com/2007/05/27/i-need-an-unstable-woman-for-a-drama-filled-relationship/

I need an unstable woman for a drama filled relationship…

Hi there,

I’m seeking a like-minded woman to share a disastrous 3-9 month relationship with, ending in acrimony, emotional chaos, and possibly legal proceedings.

My name is Lloyd, I live in Chicago , I’m 27 years old, fairly well educated, I hold down a good job and am pretty stable. I’m told I’m fairly good looking, but I’ll let you be the judge of that – I’m generally caring and very honest.

I am looking for an attractive female who will at first give me obsessive love, praise and devotion – but whose paranoia, self-loathing and fear of rejection and abandonment will eventually lead her to alternately push me away and pull me closer in a love/hate cycle that will lead to infidelity, consensual sexual violence, and the eventual emotional breakdown of one or other party – or if we’re lucky – both!

You should:

* be 20 to 35 years old;
* have a history of short, intense, drama-driven relationships;
* enjoy degrading and dehumanizing sex;
* have undergone negative psychiatric evaluations in the past; and
* be willing to threaten self-harm and/or annihilation as a weapon to control your partner and make them stay with you and care for you.

Although not completely necessary, I would prefer women:

* with nice smiles;
* that have larger than average breasts;
* who are married or already in unstable relationships;
* that drink to forget; and
* who have had a previous established diagnosis of Borderline or Dependent Personality Disorder or Bi-Polar Affective Disorder – or who are currently taking Lithium Carbonate, SSRIs, or Tri-cyclic antidepressants

If you think you meet these requirements (and wow, I’m getting excited just writing them!), please don’t hesitate to get back to me as soon as possible. In the meantime, thank you for reading my advert, and do take care.

All the best,

Lloyd