Things to consider if you are one of these people:

* usually no one cares about 90% of what you have to say
* stop and consider everyone else’s time that you are wasting
* if you just want to hear yourself talk consider a new career path or better yet… get some counselling
* learn how to summarize your thoughts or be less redundant
* use a mirror and talk to yourself in private, its much more efficient for everyone

This would definitely make me take a second look in the future before stepping outside my door. Its like a bad Japanese horror film.

This is one of those images that dyslexic folks shouldn’t look at, which would probably account for 95% of my visitors, so please if you do look, you automatically accept the terms that you can not blame me for any accident or injury occurring as a result of viewing this image. FINISH HER! Best viewed while listening to the sound track of any 90s action movie preferably one including KMFDM.

Yes, I put my hand on my heart (or heart on my head, or something) and admit that it is a bit odd. But all lovers of Mortal Kombat will get it. Kombatistas or Kombateuos, as they are known in Spanish, have a pretty wacked sense of humor. One of the great things about the game is that you can have so much fun fooling around with it. The game is great fun, but slightly crazy in a way that something like PartyPoker just isn’t. A game has to be slightly ludicrous in the first place to take the mick.

9 – I’m sorry but your account has been deactivated, please see your manager.

8 – How did you do that?

7 – I’ll be out for the rest of the week

6 – we found another zombie on the network and it’s IP matches your computer

5 – the core router is dead and we can’t it replaced until tomorrow

4 – we are performing an emergency maintenance, your email will be back in a few hours

3 – oops, I didn’t mean to press that button

2 – your email to your girlfriend got caught in the spam filter but don’t worry, I unblocked her for you *giggles*

1 – we lost all of your data

2 – Have sex with vegetables, tear the wall of your innards and have oxygen flow through your arteries and into your heart

3 – Getting killed by a Vending Machine; (damn I’m lucky to be alive) – Fighting with a vending machine has caused several deaths. The machines weigh between 600-1000 lbs., are TOP HEAVY and you only need to tilt it 20% to make it fall over.

4 – Hyponatremia – Drinking an excessive amount of water can cause your sodium levels to drop to fatal amount resulting in an excruciating death

5 – Falling into a meat grinder and getting your legs stuck, slowly bleeding and grinding to death over a weeks time while flies lay maggots into your skin.

6 – Scaphism, also known as the boats, was an ancient Persian method of execution designed to inflict torturous death. The name comes from the Greek word skaphe, meaning “scooped (or hollowed) out”.

The naked person was firmly fastened within a back-to-back pair of narrow rowing boats (or a hollowed-out tree trunk), with the head, hands, and feet protruding. The condemned was forced to ingest milk and honey to the point of developing severe diarrhea, and more honey would be rubbed on his body in order to attract insects to the exposed appendages. He or she would then be left to float on a stagnant pond or be exposed to the sun. The defenseless individual’s feces accumulated within the container, attracting more insects, which would eat and breed within his or her exposed and increasingly gangrenous flesh. The feeding would be repeated each day in some cases to prolong the torture, so that dehydration or starvation did not provide him or her with the release of death. Death, when it eventually occurred, was probably due to a combination of dehydration, starvation and septic shock. Delirium would typically set in after a few days.

7 – The Brazen Bull, The brazen bull, bronze bull, or the Sicilian bull is a torture and execution device designed in ancient Greece. Perillos of Athens, a brass-founder, proposed to Phalaris, the tyrant of Akragas, Sicily, the invention of a new means for executing criminals.

Accordingly, he cast a bull, made entirely of brass, hollow, with a door in the side. The condemned were shut in the bull and a fire was set under it, heating the metal until it became yellow hot and causing the person inside to roast to death.

8 – Getting Stabbed in the Face by a Blue Marlin:
You’re in Florida, it’s sunny and 90º, and you just hooked a huge blue marlin on your fishing trip. You fight the fish for an hour, it’s gigantic, you have it right next to the boat and you’re about to catch it. You’re gonna stuff the son of a bitch and put it above your fireplace, your life is pretty sweet. Bam!!! The fish launches out of the water with a ferocious leap and stabs you right in the dome! You die.

9 – Death by Chocolate or.. Falling into a vat of hot chocolate – Vincent Smith II, 29, was dumping raw chocolate into the vat for melting when he fell in from a nine-foot high platform. He suffered a fatal blow to the head from the vat’s agitator, a paddle-like mechanism used for stirring the chocolate.

10 – Death from eating Nails .. a condition called pica, an eating disorder defined as the “persistent eating of non-nutritive substances”

Obviously the ingestion of nails can cause internal organs to rupture and cause internal bleeding and infection. This has been a reported problem for people with mental problems and mineral deficiencies including pregnancy.